Ha Giang – Biker Gang

Prelude

Departing a sleepless night bus we stumble wearily into the hostel around 4am, startling the poor bloke on the graveyard shift sleeping on a blow up mattress. He checks us in and we find a giant double bed/pod in a large dorm room with God knows how many other people. As per usual in a shared dorm, there is someone snoring as loudly as a drunken hippopotamus. Still we manage to grab a few precious hours of sleep before the big tour, four days on the back of motorbikes, driven by locals, exploring the countryside of the Ha Giang loop.

Day One – Introducing

The day begins with a chaotic breakfast as dozens of hungry and tired backpackers tuck into banh mi bread and eggs. There is hardly any room to sit as everyone tries to figure out their tour group, eat brekkie, store their bags and pay for things at the same time. If anywhere can handle organized chaos it’s Vietnam. Before we know it we’re designated blue wrist bands and are introduced to our guide Son. He gives us a quick debrief of the route as our rucksacks are secured to the back of the motorbikes. Alex has hit the jackpot (or so she thinks) by being paired with Son, he has the best English of the “Easy Rider” drivers and will be at the front of the pack. I’m paired with the lovely Kai, a 24 year old, fresh faced chap wearing a flannel shirt. A match made in heaven.

The other backpackers on our team are Nathan and Lisa from France, they are also traveling for one year but only started in March, they have a long way to go! Rasmus from Sweden, Jost from Germany and finally Fin and Alfie from the UK who are the only pair brave enough to ride their own bike.

For the most part I’ll let the pictures do the talking on this blog. I can’t possibly describe the jaw-dropping, continuous beauty and the awe-inspiring landscapes we will see on this four day adventure. The pictures can say one thousand words for me…

Pictures

Highlights

• The literal endless fields of corn, that sprawl off not only into the distance, but up into the karst monoliths, and in every tiny bit of soil that a seed could be planted
• Corn even being planted under pine trees, not a combo I’d ever thought would work
• At one of the many viewpoint stops we get speaking to Rasmus. He’s got a big DSLR camera hanging from his neck and has been brave enough to take pictures from his motorbike while zooming around
• We chat about where we’ve travelled and where we hope to go. Both agreeing that what we’ve seen of Ha Giang so far has been stunning.
• A kid in the rice basket of its mum on her back
• Amongst the corn, are tomatoes, hemp, and cabbages. All toiled by hand or buffalo, nothing by machine, because the terrain isn’t flat or large. It reminds us of the family farms of South America, except for some reason here they favour planting corn in every inch rather than terracing the soil
• During dinner on the first night we are introduced to “Happy Water”, an alcoholic clear liquid made from corn. It smells like gasoline and doesn’t taste much better but after the first few shots you don’t notice so much.
• We’re also introduced to a Vietnamese toast. The softly spoken Son erupts with a bellowing “ARE YOU READY???” followed by “Mot hai ba zu” which we must all loudly shout back at him.
• We go through this process for each and every shot with alternating toast makers.
• Feeling rather merry and full of food, we stumble across the road to a karaoke bar.
• Other tour groups join us and we mostly enjoy a beer while watching various levels of singing ability step up to the mic.
• All of the Vietnamese guides are good singers and put most of us to shame!
• Memorable songs include The Grateful Dead, Sisqo, Zombie (sang by Rasmus and I) and My Heart Will Go On, still going strong 25 years later.
• Jost gives a German rendition of Kinky Boots. An Irish rebel song that is apparently very popular in Germany!

Day Two – The Whacky Races

Pictures

Highlights

• Hooning down a rocky road towards the river, the road is full of trucks and other scooters fighting for space and dominance between the construction vehicles working at the sides of the road
• Son tells Alex that tourism has not just brought money to the region, but infrastructure. Not long ago, these indigenous villages didn’t have electricity or roads, but now the roads are smooth and well built, there’s electricity and concrete water reservoirs in each stint, allowing the people to live better, easier. They are happy for the tourists to be here because their lives improve by proxy.
• When asking if this means the young are all leaving to not be farmers like their parents (like we’ve seen all over the world), Son says that hasn’t happened here. Of course some go to the cities, but why would you want to, life is simple and beautiful here, Son wouldn’t give it up for the traffic and office-life of Hanoi
• Groups from Mama’s Homestay buzzing past us. Up to forty people in their groups.. glad we are not in that lot with all of the young Zoomers.
• Enjoying a chilled boat tour, cruising through a giant gap in the cliffs
• Jost once more hitting himself in the balls with his bum bag while jumping on the boat
• Flying up a busy winding road, weaving between all sorts of vehicles. Sometimes the bikes are three in a row across the road, hair raising stuff.
• After this section, Alex has decided she’s had enough of being at the front and we swap drivers! I ride with Son upfront while Alex goes with Kai in third place.
• Chatting with Son as we ride around on the bikes. He’s only been learning English for two months but he is very good and likes pointing things out along the way.
• Kai and other drivers practicing their karaoke at the viewpoints along the road. Most cafe stops have a speaker and microphone setup.
• Being introduced to a patriotic Vietnamese song “Come with me, we’ll travel round Vietnammmmm” https://open.spotify.com/track/7mH8VdFhEd8HsaOWA9nIGa?si=-riF8pguQQaIdqjNE1uQPA
• Playing the shuttlecock kicking game every time we stop at a viewpoint. Usually in the middle of the road which is frequently interrupted by bikes and trucks
• Said shuttlecock flying over the edge onto the farmland below which someone has to go and fetch
• Jost trying the tobacco bong. Not for the faint hearted.
• Enjoying a cold beer or salted coffee with a stunning view
• Arriving at our homestay to see it has a massive swimming pool which we all jump into on arrival
• There is even a mini gym next to the pool where a few drivers have a short workout
• Another huge meal featuring many shots of Happy Water
• Son appearing at the dinner table blurry eyed and slurring his words. A friend of his that lives nearby got him good and drunk as soon as we got off the bikes
• Alex’s turn to be toast master, she gives a toast in Spanish, salud!
• Chatting with Nathan and Lisa who live in Brittany. They’re also travelling for a year without working and are essentially doing a similar route to us but in reverse. They’ve done Japan and are working their way through Asia and will be visiting Latin America in a few months time.
• Playing cards after dinner next to the pool
• Trumps is the name of the game and Alex and I get into a final round showdown

Day Three – Riders of the Storm

Pictures

Highlights

• Waiting for the rain to pass in the morning… Or is it the drivers waiting for their hangover to pass
• Watching dozens of Westerners flail around in the waterfall pool
• Jost sets the trend for jumping off the cliff into the pool below. He’s the first one to do it and after that a long line of people queue up to do the same
• Some attempt somersaults and flips. Rasmus shows them all how it should be done with some impressive acrobatics
• An alternative approach is a classic bellyflop which someone does from a much lower height to great applause
• Playing with local kids at a rest stop. Alex introduces them to Totoro while I let one put on my sunglasses and he beams a big smile. All the while trying to stop them from drinking our coffees!
• Jost once more speed walking, unable to run to catch us up to protect his balls
• Textiles tour. Seeing how locals make clothing from hemp and use various dyes to being the fabrics to life
• Passing a rose farm, unexpected
• Son and I falling off the bike as we approach the homestay. Luckily we managed to save ourselves from any serious injury!
• Staying in a clay hut. The bathroom window was simply a hole cut out of the wall a.k.a a tunnel for critters to enter our home
• Luckily we avoided anything large, unlike the French couple who were greeted by a massive spider in their bathroom
• Lots and lots of happy water
• Fish that tasted like dirt
• My turn to lead the toast, I went for the Vietnamese option as the English one is so dull. I’m pretty sure I messed it up but it did the job.
• Everyone wanted a go on the karaoke tonight… Son tries to sing My Heart Will Go One but struggles with the English words so we all help him out.
• Alex, Rasmus and I belt out Seven Nation Army.
• Jost sings his favourite Kinky Boots and also 99 red balloons.
• Nathan and Lisa go for Merci Les Blues (A world cup version of Allez Les Blues).
• Alex and I go for a Blink 182 song but then realise most of our group was born post 2000 and probably doesn’t know the song like we do!
• Rasmus steps in and we tenderly sing Teenage Dirtbag (still a classic)
• Caving into peer pressure Alfie and Fin sing together and go for a romantic rendition of Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield!
• Jost tells us hilarious stories of his time in the German army and discovering his Drill Sergeant used to be an adult entertainer. I haven’t laughed like that in a long long time.

Day Four – Homeward Bound

Pictures

Highlights

• Hiking up to a fascinating cave. We’ve seen a few by now but this one was still cool. Only discovered in 2017 too.
• Enjoying a coffee while dance music pumps out and the drivers rave around. It’s nice to see them enjoying the job they do pretty much every day of the week
• Double lunch portions (as if we needed any more food)
• Weaving between the buffalo crossing the road
• Photoshoot by the waterfall with the whole gang
• Arriving back in one unscathed piece

And that’s the end of our incredible journey around the countryside of Northern Vietnam. While a part of me would have loved to drive this route at other times I would have been terrified and uncomfortable so it was the right decision to have the expert drivers do the hard work for us. Fair play to Alfie and Fin for driving it themselves and keeping pace with the guys who do these roads every day.

Our group quickly disperses and we each go our separate ways. Another trip where we’ve been blessed with a great group of people, especially after we see some absolute twerps in other groups!

Alex and I spend the night back at the hostel where we started a few days ago. Though this time we have the peace of a private room and rinse off all of the dirt and dust from the road.

Next stop… The capital city: Hanoi

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Adventure – The whole drive from start to finish, the views, scenery and atmosphere were just incredible. Playing the shuttlecock game at every stop. Chatting with our lovely group.

Excitement – Holding on for dear life. Swimming in a nice clean pool on day two. Karaoke fun. Each round of Mot Hai Ba Zoo (happy water toast).

Trauma – Someone guessing our age as “forty something” (Rasmus 👀). The happy hangovers. Five new beds in five nights.