Hot As a Pan in Hoi An

I had fond memories of Hoi An from when I was in Vietnam before, and so it worked out nicely with our new “flee the heat” plan that we would be there for my birthday.

We decide to take our first sleeper train, going for the “1st class” option of 4 beds to a cabin. Full disclosure, there are fancier classes, and we have read in advance that the classification system means very little, but we compromise with ‘first’ hoping for the best. What we don’t expect is that the aircon doesn’t work, and that the door to our cabin doesn’t open from the inside, trapping us as we bang and yell for a passer by to let us out. We share our travelling sweat box with a mother and small child, and another lady, and learn quickly that the main communication volume for Vietnamese is yelling. It doesn’t matter if the person they are communicating with is right next to them, or if you might be standing in between them and who they are trying to communicate with, or if people around you might be sleeping… to communicate, you must shout. Thankfully, after much Google Translate, chirades, pointing, and shrugging, our aircon gets improved, at least for one of us. As the child sleeps, the trolleys of food stop, and James hits the hay himself in his hoodie, pyjamas and blanket, I’m still sweating in my underwear as the aircon only blows cold air onto his side. Soon enough, our door eventually slides itself shut, trapping us for the night, and sealing the deal for the next few hours. I hope I don’t need to go to the toilet any time soon!

Thankfully, the toilets are actually toilets on here. We’ve heard of other trains where they are merely holes in the floor, and the folks in the seated class with just windows for aircon having wafts of what lays waste on the tracks for aroma. So, it could be a lot worse. We also explore some other cabins and find much newer coaches we could have been on. Another unlucky draw on our part it seems. At about 5am, the kid wakes up, and the yelling commences (from the mother as much as the child by the way). I guess it’s time for us all to wake up.

After 19 hours, we make it to Da Nang. It could have been a much worse journey, it also could have been much better. Money really does make a big difference with these things. Therefore, it’s with grateful hearts we see a man with our name on the board ready with his functioning airconned car to drive us to Hoi An. James has been charged with finding us somewhere to stay for my birthday, and he’s made a great choice of hotel with buffet breakfast and rooftop pool. They’ve even upgraded us to a suite! As we check out our new spot, we meet a British couple who were on a G Adventures tour but have had to cut it short as the lady slipped and broke her elbow, needing pins in it. They don’t seem too fussed by this, lounging by the pool, relaxing, maybe they’re happy to just get out of the heat. Because, it turns out, Hoi An is as hot as Ho Chi Minh, and it’s set to get hotter! There goes that plan.

Eager to show James the beautiful town that is Hoi An, we head out for a wander after a refresh and nap in the room. It’s as beautiful as I remember it, with colourful lanterns hanging aloft from old-fashioned roofs and baconies, coffee shops, eateries, temples, souvenir stands, food stalls galore.

There’s a barrage of people trying to sell us everything and anything, but otherwise the place is pretty much the same. What has changed is the amount of places catering to tourists, all decked out beautifully in Hoi An’s lantern style, and a massive development on something now called Memories Island, home to a new show depicting the history of the area. For tonight, we take it easy and grab a cocktail and some food on the riverfront, and plan the next few days. Unbeknownst to me, my body has other ideas.

I spend much of the night being awoken by a growing ulcer on my lip making itself known as it grows with a vengeance. I do not get any much needed sleep for the second night in a go. But it’s James’s first time in Hoi An, and I’m keen to explore with him during daylight. The hotel offers bicycle rental, but our experience the night before was of absolute driving chaos, so we decide to walk it. We wander down first through the main tourist streets, before getting to the “Japanese bridge”, which is currently under renovation:

We wander through the food market, where there is an array of fresh fruit, veg, meat and fish. Most importantly, there is a stand selling sugar cane drink. Hoping that this is just like the refreshing and tasty lime and sugar drink of Medellin, we give it a go. We’ve not found anything as good as that drink all those months ago, and this one still doesn’t beat it. The ice melts instantly, but it gives us a kick enough to make it to our next stop.

Heading over the bridge to one of the islands, James directs us down some backstreets. He’s managed to find a bookshop stocking English-language books, and much to his delight, the third book in the Dark Tower series we’ve been reading, and coincidentally my birthday present. Happy early birthday to me! 😊

Our intentions after this are to loop around, up through Memories Island, and back home. But it seems you are only allowed onto the island with a ticket, so back we go. We are absolutely melting by this point, trying to stick to the shade, but it does little to provide respite to the scalding air that consumes us, and humidity that won’t let us cool down. We eventually make it back to the mainland and jump into a lovely cafe, where they point huge airconditioning units and fans our way. We all laugh at how ridiculous but necessary it is. “Very hot” we all say in simple English, as the owner in a lovely full length dress stands there without a bead of sweat!

Coconut coffee and salted coffee consumed, our skin no longer on fire and our blood no longer boiling, it’s time to head back into the furnace to make it back to the sanctuary of our hotel. Lunch is two bahn mis, a bao, and a donut.

We successfully cool down at the pool but I’m still suffering, from a seeming combination of ailments. It seems that weeks in the heat has taken its toll on my immune system and it’s given up the fight. Of all the travelling we’ve done, we’ve done comparatively well to others we’ve met who’ve ended up in hospital for various issues, and here I am taken out by heat, an ulcer, and a heat cold. Woe is me.

We push on out to go for a boat ride down the river for my birthday and reluctantly accept the offers of the nearest tout yelling boat rides at us, ready to haggle. It’s actually an official system though, where you pay a man for a ticket at a desk, who then yells to someone else, who yells to someone else, and you wander which yelling person you’re meant to go towards or run away from, and then eventually we’re herded towards a steep stairway onto a boat, adorned with beautiful Hoi An-esque lanterns. Of course, we must don life-jackets, but then we’re off, joining the masses along the beautiful Hoi An river, away from the yelling and selling.

We finish off the night with a meal by the riverside and then try for an early night.

Birthday Bonanza

After another difficult night from my ulcer, my previous woes, and now a quick bout of stomach upset, and we’re set for a hell of a birthday! James has sneakily asked the staff to provide a cake for breakfast though, so there’s no time to feel glum, as a lovely cake adorned with candles is brought out at breakfast, the staff singing Happy Birthday. There are so many fans and aircon units in the breakfast area the candles don’t have a chance, and the staff only know the first words to the song, leaving James to serenade me for the rest. I try and smile awkwardly back as my fat lip forces me to grimace back. I daren’t think what people must think of me at this point!

We’re soon picked up for our morning activity, a cooking class and boat ride. But first, we need to get food for our class from the local market. Our minivan unloads us all at the front where our guide for the day, named Hi Hi, quickly appears with some roses announcing it’s my birthday, and everyone sings to me again!

This time, it’s a group of tourists, so I get the full song. I’m so exhausted from the various internal battles I start to get teary eyed as I grimace back at how sweet everyone has been. One of the youth in our group comments “that’s so cute”, and she’s not wrong. I’m very lucky James has not only arranged these little surprises but has been looking after me and putting up with my deadpan faces and thumbs up to indicate when I would be smiling back at him.

Now for the day’s activities to really start. The market is glorious, full of fresh vegetables, herbs, fruits, everything vividly colourful looking fresh from the farm. There’s even squashes, carrots and aubergines, alongside turmeric, ginger, lemongrass and morning glory. We’re told that lemongrass keeps snakes away, and the top half keeps mosquitos away! One for our parents to start planting! It’s not too dissimilar to the markets in Latin America, except there seems a greater variety of veg, and people aren’t yelling (maybe the one place they don’t seem to in ‘nam). It all seems relatively calm and orderly!

As we try and take it all in, a woman on a scooter just drives straight into our group, demanding we move out of her way. We’ve seen some spectacular driving in Vietnam already, but they usually maneuvere around you like water around a rock, this is our first experience of just head-on rock smashing.

We move on through to the meat and fish section as we see the usual reminders that we would probably be vegans if we had to slaughter our own animals. We’re told that the animals are slaughtered and butchered here, so they’re super fresh, with the market opening at 4am. Anything not sold that day would go to the animals, so you can be assured of the freshness here. The market houses 200 families each day, and they rotate around so that another lot of families can sell their wares.

Fresh herbs and veg acquired, we pile back onto the minivan for our next stop, our boat ride. This activity is ridiculously touristy but so much fun. We’re led into a round boat fashioned from bamboo leaves, handed life-jackets, hand fans and an umbrella. Our boat is paddled about by a lady covered from head to toe, only her eyes visible, but with a wonderful sense of humour and who seems to really enjoy her job of paddling tourists around this odd little section of water.

On our way around, we pull up in a circle around a guy spinning around and around and doing tricks with his paddle. As he does this, Gangnam Style blasts out. Various groups surround various boat acrobats all blasting out music from around the world.

Some of the youngest of our group take up the invite to join the entertainer on his boat, as he spins them round and round and up and down. When they clamber out at the end, one looks significantly worse for wear!

The final activity on this little boat trip is to go crabbing. By way of a stick, a line, and something on the end, we’re shown that the base of the palms are home to crabs, which can be lured out with our makeshift rods. We are unsuccessful in our endeavour, but another boat party manages to catch one, and then promptly drops it into their boat, as it scuttles and hides amongst their feet and they squeal trying to avoid it without capsizing their boat. I think we did better not catching one.

The boat trip (and painkillers) having perked me up, we now head to our cooking class! We are kitted out with aprons and hats which we done for photos before realising the hats are meant to be fashioned like berets.

We learn how to make spring rolls, papaya salad, a claypot, and typical Vietnamese “pancakes” (bahn xeo?):

It’s really nice to be cooking, even in the 40 degree heat, and make food from scratch. The recipes we try are fairly simple and we look forward to trying to recreate them in the UK.

After our seven-course meal, chatting to fellow travellers and holidayers, we get dropped back for a rest and cool off at the hotel. Much needed as the heat has peaked again with more Real Feel temperatures in the 50s.

This evening we’re off to see the Hoi An Memories show, but first we stop off for dinner at the waterfront on the way.

We find some seats and settle in for the show, that depicts the history of the region through stunning performances through light, song, dance, music, and scenery. The set is huge, the biggest I’ve ever seen, and the opening scene takes my breath away, as a woman in a huge Ao Dai (traditional Vietnamese dress/pant combo) works at a loom, as the threads of time spread across the ‘stage’, and women in all white Ao Dai with white traditional hats walk perfectly in time with another across the set to a beat I can’t identify, as the start of Hoi An’s history begins with the birth of a new child in a small Riverside hut. We’re not allowed to take photos so I just hope my memories will suffice, or you can watch this video for a taster:

https://youtu.be/fBLF-kFihPs?feature=shared

We had very low expectations for the show, but it blows the whole night out of the water. The choreography, set, costumes, and story are spectacularly done. Scenes depict Hoi An’s joining of the two Hindu-esque culture with the Chinese-esque one, including a huge elephant statue.

The tale that gives Hoi An its lanterns is depicted as a woman awaits her partner out at sea and hopes to show him the way home with her lantern, as he looks out for her atop a big ship set. We then have a scene of the melding of cultures as Hoi An becomes a prominent trading port.

It’s a spectacular way to finish my birthday and, despite my various ailments, I’ve had a really wonderful day, full of wonderful memories and experiences. We take a final walk through the island which is really quite beautiful and not the tacky theme park we expected, and head home, with a lopsided smile but happy heart.

Birthday Extended

For the day after, I’ve decided to use some birthday money from Heather and Dave to give myself a good pampering. I’ve chosen a package deal of a body scrub, a hot stone massage, a facial and a mani pedi. I’m welcomed by a lovely foot bath, and the rest is peace and pampering.

Fully relaxed from head to toe, I meet James for lunch at a vegetarian place we had spotted on one of our earlier sweatplorations. Two huge aircon units are pulled up next to us as we enjoy some really great veggie rolls and mushrooms to start, and a curry and coconut rice for main.

After another cool off at the hotel pool and respite in the aircon, we head back out for our final night in Hoi An, to check out the night market. Vendors yell their various wares at us as we window shop all the souvenirs, clothing, food and rolled icecream stalls. There’s all kinds of food on display, including tentacles and frogs.

We instead choose a place for dinner with a balcony that overlooks the market and river, as we people watch amongst the hustle and bustle of the market.

And with that we say goodbye to Hoi An to head up to Hue. The heat has once more been a real killer to this leg, regularly hitting a real feel temp of 51 degrees. I can’t even describe it, other than feeling claustrophobic in your own skin as your body tries to sweat to cool itself down but it doesn’t work with the humidity. I understand better than ever why these high temperatures are so dangerous, after all, I don’t consider myself elderly or inferm, but it was really doing a number on me, and we had aircon and a pool to hide out in! We only really find out here that this isn’t typical for this area but rather an El Niño heatwave hitting all of SE Asia where everyone is suffering. Which makes it feel a little bit better! James has been amazing at taking the lead, looking after me, and putting up with my constant moaning of each ailment, whilst no doubt the heat was also taking its toll on him. So, a big thanks to him pulling the weight here and giving me a wonderful birthday to remember, for so many wonderful reasons rather than for the issues that were also present.

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Adventure – wandering the backstreets in search of my birthday present, exploring all the beautiful little nooks and crannies lit by lantern

Excitement – all my birthday treats, being surprised by the brilliance of Hoi An Memories show, getting to show James this place I’ve raved about so much and him enjoying it too

Trauma – the heat once more, various ailments